I hear it all the time - parents lamenting the fact that their children aren’t as connected to their Jewish heritage as they’d like them to be. As much as we’d like to blame the “selling out” of the younger generation on modern times - the famous “things are different nowadays” mantra - it’s not a recent phenomenon. Jews throughout the ages have worried about how to transmit their heritage to the next generation.
And here’s the good news: We have 3000+ years of experience.
But it’s hard to fit 3000+ years of experience in one post, so I’ll share with you two keys points: passion and relevance.
Passion: The best educational message you can communicate to your children is non-verbal. When they see that you’re passionate about your Judaism, that has the deepest effect. And that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re completely observant - it means that you’re on an upwards path. It means that you are on an active journey. For too many of us, the journey ended at Bar/Bat Mitzvah. If we’re not inspired by our Judaism, how can we expect our kids to be?
The Torah portion this week begins with the instruction to ensure that a constant fire burn on the altar: “And the fire on the altar shall burn on it; it shall not go out.” The Alter Rebbe would quote in the name of his teacher the Magid of Mezeritch that the words “Lo Tichbeh” (lit. “it shall not go out”) can also be read to mean “lo,” the negative - all things which are “no,” “tichbeh,” it shall extinguish.
When we serve G-d with passion and enthusiasm (represented by the fire on the altar), it causes all obstacles, the “no,” to be “extinguished.” When we’re passionate about our Judaism, we find it much easier to incorporate in our personal lives. And when we’re passionate about our Judaism it is compelling, it is attractive - we don’t have to “force” our children to remain connected, they want to remain connected.
Relevance: This key is learnt from the Passover Seder - the entire Seder is structured in such a way that we should not only recall the events of 3327 years ago, rather that we find relevance and personal application of the Passover message in our own life.
If our Judaism is relegated to the synagogue (or for some only the cemetery), then we are effectively communicating to our children that Judaism is not about real life. It is at best a nice addition, an optional extra, but not an essential part of our life.
So what do you do if you don’t have the passion and you haven’t found the relevance? Now, THAT’S a good question! For that you need a little (or a lot) of Torah. Join some classes, study Torah on a regular basis. Discover the depth and beauty that is there and it will transform your life and that of your family.