A famous parenting expert was laying a new concrete path outside his home. No sooner was his back turned than a crowd of neighborhood children came running by, leaving unsightly footmarks all over the hardening surface. Red in the face and mad, he turned and started to scream at the kids. A neighbour who heard him called out, “I’m surprised, Sam. You told me you liked kids.” He replied, “I like them – in the abstract, but not in the concrete.”
It’s not uncommon to choose a role model for one’s self and seek their guidance on important life issues. It’s difficult when our role models turn out to be regular individuals, who have their own challenges - and occasionally fail. It’s easy to think, “OK, s/he is not a good role model for me, let me find someone else.”
Interestingly, this week’s Torah portion begins with surprising wording providing insight into just this challenge.
Introducing the narrative of the Deluge, the Torah tells us about Noah and proclaims that he was a righteous man. However, an additional word is then added, “bedorotav - in his generation.” The interpretations of this emphasis diverges; either that he was righteous despite the negative influence of his generation or that he was righteous only compared to his generation but had he lived in another time, say in the era of Abraham, he wouldn’t be considered overly righteous.
Simple enough, but here’s the question - the Torah avoids gratuitous negative reporting. Why then would the Torah inform us (according to the second view) that Noah was not truly righteous, rather only so when compared to the rest of his generation?
Perhaps this is exactly the point: The Torah intends to advise us as to the benefit of choosing imperfect role models. Noah may not have been perfect, but he was able to resist the negative influences surrounding him. Was he perfect? No. Can we still learn from him? Absolutely.
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I want to extend this idea slightly and I would love to hear your feedback on this point. Many people that I’ve come to know over the years face the following dilemma: on the one hand, they’ve come to recognize that there is so much more to Judaism than bagels and lox. They’ve come to appreciate the depth and beauty that comes with living an observant Jewish life. And they want it for their family, they want to learn more and connect to their heritage in a deep and meaningful way.
So what’s holding them back? They feel that by doing so they are betraying their parents; they feel that by becoming more observant they are tacitly stating that their own Jewish upbring was deficient. They feel like they are disrespecting their parents and/or the rabbi and community of the Temple or Synagogue where they grew up.
This weeks Torah portion tells us that although we may choose to live a more authentic Jewish life, although we may not follow the way were raised, we can still respect, appreciate and learn from the positive in our parents, former teachers and role models.
We may recognize that they’re imperfect Jewish role models, but we can still respect them. Were they perfect? No. Can we still learn from them? Absolutely.
In other words, our choice to do more does not somehow repudiate our connection with them. The bottom line? Keep growing in Jewish study and observance; don’t let your upbringing hold you back!